Rookie Mistakes in DIY Dog Grooming

Poor, poor PJ.

First of all, please note the following:
1. Professional dog grooming for a beast her size is crazy expensive.
2. Dad gave me an electric shaver to use.
3. She is just a dog.
4. It's already getting into the 80's temperature wise everyday, and no one wants to be wearing a thick fur coat.

Ok, now prepare yourself for what you are about to see and please don't call animal control on me!

HORRORS!

It's really, really hard to buzz an 80 lb. dog who won't be still! And my glasses kept falling off my
nose into the grass... just nothing was going good. PJ basically was going bonkers the entire time, even though I was saying soothing lies such as, "oh you are so beautiful! You are the prettiest dog on the street!" She didn't believe me.

After the buzz nightmare, I attempted to bathe her. That was a disaster all of its own. I got her wet, then she FREAKED out and with her newly buzzed neck, her collar slid right off her head. She dashed into the house, making a total mess. I finally calmed her down, bathed her, then we went on a long walk together in which she had diarrhea in pretty much every yard for three blocks. Traumatized I suppose?