In the words of Michael Scott...

"When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another. "

No, I'm not this creative, but I did want to pass these two videos along. Hat tip to Heather T. Skaggs, who made a video of her and Trey, that led me to these two videos. Of course, we all remember JibJab for their video "This Land if Your Land" from the 2004 election, and it is funny to look back at social satire over the past few years. And to continue to make fun of "American Idol" Taylor Hicks (I use quotation marks, because he's only an American Idol in name only--it's like calling Barry Bonds that all-time home run hitter).

Do I Creep You Out | Funny Jokes at JibJab

I'm from Alabama, but the answer, Taylor, is still yes.

And who doesn't love Shawshank Redemption? But do you have time to watch it? No? Then check out this video that largely sums it up, with phat ryhmes (this is how Tricia talks all the time now, as well).

Shawshank in a Minute | Funny Jokes at JibJab

You or Someone You Know.... Could Be A FAKEWALKER!

Do YOU hold on to the rails on the treadmill? If so, STOP! According to a recent article, those who hold on to the rails aren't doing a dang thing.

Now, something you should know about my cute little momma, is that she wakes up religiously every morning at 5:00 for her morning trek on the treadmill. For three years now, she has been chugging up a hefty incline at a breakneck speed, but all the while, she's been holding on to the rails.

Being the avid Googler that she is ( I too love a good Google. I've been known to consult Google for medical mysteries of my own with such key words as "itchy mole" or "lump in armpit" or my personal favorite from my Freshman year, "How do you know if you have diabetes?") she surfed the Internet for treadmill tips, only to find that she has been living a lie.

As she read the article, she was hit by the cold, dark truth.

My mother is a Fakewalker. She's been Fakewalking for over three years.

Here's my personal favorite part about the article:

Holding Onto the Treadmill is Fake Jogging

"One time I was beside a 50-something woman, who was fake-jogging at 5.8 mph, her hands clinging to the front bar. She said she’d been doing it that way for years, and asserted, "This works best for me!" What works? After years of doing that, she's only at 5.8 mph? She continued to pitter-patter, unaware that her neck kept jutting forward like a pigeon's.
There's a chubby man about 60 at my gym who's been clamping his hands on the front bar for years while fake-jogging 6 mph. His feet slam down with each step as his body abruptly jerks. This is not jogging. And it's no wonder he can't lose weight. "

This author is not kidding around. And now, thanks to him, neither is my mother. A Realwalking fire has been lit under her feet... the determination is nearly pallpable.

She wrote me this morning, less than 24 hours after the veil had been lifted from her eyes, with this bold message:

"You will be proud to know that I broke the bonds of fake-walking this morning when from 5:00-5:30am I walked without touching the handrailsof the treadmill. I moved my arms obnoxiously the entire time as if to make up for three years of arm-holding. I still managed a 2 mile walk at 4 miles per hour on a level 3 incline."

(She's going to kill me for putting that on here! But you can't write an e-mail that funny and not share it...)

Here's to you, Mom for discontinuing the cycle of Fakewalking and starting anew! May you be a shining light to Fakewalkers everywhere!

Weekly Baseball Post (Tricia has a post below that I'm sure everyone will enjoy...)

As opposed to the limited few (if any), that like what I write.

A TRIBUTE TO SCOOTER

Last week, as reported in several locations, Phil "Scooter" Rizzuto died. Rizzuto was famous mostly as a shortstop on seven separate World Series-winning New York Yankee team in the 1940s and 1950s. Later, he became the voice of the Yankees on the radio and was most notably known on Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights"--probably one of the worst songs to learn from an uncle. In addition, a funny side note about Rizzuto follows. From the Sports Law Blog:

This past Sunday marked the 56-year anniversary of the debut of professional baseball's shortest player, 3-foot-7 Eddie Gaedel. As part of a publicity stunt, on the preceding Friday, St. Louis Browns owner Bill Veeck secretly signed Gaedel, a midget, to a big-league contact -- knowing full well that the commissioner's office would not review Gaedel's contract until the following Monday morning.

That Sunday afternoon, before Commissioner Happy Chandler reviewed Gaedel's contract, Veeck suited-up his newest player for the second game of a doubleheader against the Detroit Tigers, giving Gaedel a jersey with the number 1/8. Gaedel was sent into the game as a pinch hitter and, as expected, he walked on four pitches. Gaedel was then lifted for a pinch runner.

The following Monday, Major League Baseball voided Gaedel's contract and changed its its rules, requiring that all contracts needed to be ratified by the commissioner before any player could appear in a big-league game. Implied in this rule change was a ban of midgets and other players uniquely suited to draw walks.

Finally, on the day after Major League Baseball voided Gaedel's contract, Veeck, in jest, asked the commissioner to also void the contract of the late Yankees shortstop, Phil Rizzuto, who at 5-foot-6 was one of the game's next shortest players.

In addition (Mr. Clark will appreciate this), Saturday night Tricia's dad and I were watching an interview with Tim Russert and several old Yankees, Rizzuto, Whitey Ford, and, of course, Yogi Berra. They were talking about Yankee great (Ford had just put out a book detailing the greatest Yankee at each position. They started talking about Reggie Jackson (which is far and away the all-time career leader in strikeouts for a batter) and how Jackson loved the limelight and hearing how good he was. The story went something like this:

Reggie, Yogi, and Whitey were all the table at a Hall of Famers only lunch, immediately after the induction ceremony. Reggie began to pester Yogi about whether or not Reggie could have played in the 40s and 50s. Yogi wouldn't answer. So Reggie started asking "you don't think I could have played then?" Yogi just sat back and said, "You would've been a fine 5th outfielder."

Well, that just wouldn't do for Reggie. So Reggie figures he'll talk about his hitting. He turns to Whitey and starts pestering Whitey about whether or not he could have gotten a hit off of him. Whitey, seeing how Jackson responded to Yogi not answering, just sits there, and doesn't answer. Reggie, of course, becomes incensed and starts saying, "You don't think I could have gotten a hit off of you? You know I could."

Whitey pats his mouth, puts his napkin on his leg, and looks across the table and says, "Reggie, you've got to understand. Ted Williams was the greatest hitter to ever play baseball. He hit .400. He never struck out. He only hit .215 on me--what chance do you possibly have?" Which, of course, did the impossible--shut Reggie Jackson up.

A BRAVES UPDATE

The Braves can't seem to pull it together consistently (unless you count 3 out of 5 as consistent), but I did enjoy reading a quote from pitcher Tim Hudson (an SEC man, who once won SEC Player of the Year--as an outfielder) from AJC writer Carroll Rogers.

“I’m just going out there and giving us a good chance to win,” Hudson said. “Hopefully we win every one of my starts. I don’t care if I get the win or not. But if the team wins and we’re ready to make the playoffs at the end of the season, that’s all that matters.”

That sounds familiar...

Crash Davis: It's time to work on your interviews.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: My interviews? What do I gotta do?
Crash Davis: You're gonna have to learn your clichés. You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends. Write this down: "We gotta play it one day at a time."
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Got to play... it's pretty boring.
Crash Davis: 'Course it's boring, that's the point. Write it down.

Two Quick Things

1. A new neighbor moved in next door and doesn't have wireless Internet protection! Good news for us Butts because we can now get Internet for free off of her! (P.S.- her car has a bumper sticker that reads: "HONK if you understand differentiated equilibrium!" If that doesn't provide insight into a person's life, I don't know what does.)

2. Today, in the middle of class, a girl took off her sandal, whipped out a tub of vaseline, and began moisturizing her right foot. When I asked her what in the world she was doing, she exclaimed, "Mrs. Butts! My feet are so ashy!" So I guess that makes sense.

I Miss the KD House

So I had to run two recommendation letters by the KD House the other day and let me tell you- walking across the old casino carpet and reflecting on the good times brought many a tear to my eyes.

Such good times were had.
Look at what a Gangsta I am! I should definitely relocate my Fubu shirt and "Mo Money" skullcap for school on Monday. I would blend in much better. On the note of school, there has been much improvement during role call. I have now successfully pronounced most of my student's names correctly now. I was going to list out my favorites, but I need to be careful on the blog:)

While I was unburying that last picture from my past, I unearthed some good ones of Caleb. Check out this school pic. Look at that smoldering expression. Ha! Hottie!

And now I'm leaving you with a shot of what I wish I was doing right now:

God only knows where that couch is now.
Have a good week!

A Salute to the former-Michael Jackson

I wanted to see that video of the Filipino prisioners being forced to act our their warden's dream of directing the thriller video when I found this. We have Hollywood, India has Bollywood; we have MJ's "Thriller," India has this.



And in the immortal words of Anna Little, "I'll always remember the good Michael Jackson. The current Michael Jackson is dead to me." I don't know when she said this, but I know she definitely did.

I work with a character from The Office...

Quick post (I swear, all my posts start out like this).

I think it's funny that after having watched The Office as much as Tricia has made me...er...I mean, I have, I began to see mannerisms in my co-workers that resemble Officites. I think we all can see them. I mean, everyone sees them--they're actually pretty reflective of real-life work environments. There's this girl I know (she could even be my wife), who at her last job, swore her boss acted like Michael Scott. In fact, last semester I took Public Personnel Management, which was like Intro to Human Resources. I had to give a talk on a chapter of the book and write a 5-page paper on it. I did my presentation on conflict resolution, and pretty much just cited The Office episode about it. (Later, I found out I was supposed to do an entirely different chapter, but I was so excitable over Conflict Resolution, the teacher gave me an A anyway--yes, my master's program is kind of easy).

Anyway, we all see mannerisms and personalities of our co-workers in characters on The Office. But, I swear, as God is my witness, I about screamed the other day when I started to preparing to put up my bio page at the Center. I needed some guidelines of what to put up and what to include (or not include--"Caleb likes to browse the Internet and write on his wife's blog that he has pretty much hijacked"). I clicked on my boss, Lynne's, bio. Thought I would check her husband's for some more ideas. Then I saw a picture, though somewhat dated, that I couldn't help but say "OH MY GOD!!!!" So that you can get the full effect, here's Ron's picture.



And here's his Office counterpart.



Like brothers separated at birth.

In other news, when I took my bio picture, I wore a bowtie. If you're reading this Trey, I know you're happy.

I'm Back!

Just when you thought Caleb's baseball posts had completely taken over our blog, I make a comeback:)

I have Internet in my classroom, but there's a Web blocker which blocks things for the students' protection. It's really sporadic blocking though- I can get on Facebook, but not the blog. I can also check out Foxnews.com but not cnn.com- I don't really know what the blocking criteria is...

So to briefly update my faithful five readers, here are the highlights of my first three days:
-Calling Roll. That is all I will say about that.
-Trying to explain "character" to 9th grade special ed students. For those who care, they really respond well to me acting like a Pirate.
-Figuring out where to sit at Lunch. It was awkward and scary all over again.
-Being on duty. This calls for me "patrolling the girls bathroom" which means every once in a while, I have to storm into the bathroom and yell, "Ladies! This is not a place for chitchat! Do your business and get out!" (They just roll my eyes.... I'm not as effective as it sounds...)

I do have some funny stories already- after only three days! But overall, I really do like teaching. I was mostly nervous about teaching Drama, but that has turned out to be my favorite classes so far- but it's only three days in, so it all could change:) The kids are so cute when they act stuff out though! And they really get into and are actually quite creative, so it's pretty fun. Thanks for all the advice ya'll left on the last post! Thanks to Amanda, I made sure not to have any "underarm hair floating in the air conditioned breeze."

A New Homerun Champ...

In case any of you have missed it, last night Barry Bonds hit homerun #756 off of the the Washington Nationals' Mike Bacsik. I feel that I couldn't ignore this on the blog and still profess to be a true baseball fan. As always, let's hit up some interesting facts about this milestone.

I think one of my favorite things about Bonds' record-tying and -breaking homeruns were who they came off of. While Aaron hit his record-tying homerun off of Jack Billingham (who would had won 19 games and finished fourth in Cy Young voting the previous year and would go on to win 19 games in 1974) and -breaking homerun off of Al Downing, who would have a 17 year career, was an All-Star, and finished third in Cy Young voting in 1971, Bonds did not face such an illustrious opponents to tie or break the records. Bonds hit the record tying homerun off of Clay Hensley, a 27-year old pitcher who was so-so last year and--this is my favorite part--was himself found to be using steroids back in 2005 as a minor leaguer. See, God does have a sense of humor! Last night Bonds hit number 756, to break the record, off of the aforementioned Mike Bacsik, a guy who hasn't pitched in the majors in 2 years, before this season has never played in more than 11 games (once), and is playing for the Washington Nationals, who are are tied with Florida Marlins for last place in the NL East and are probably playing over their heads (if you believe in expected win-loss percentages based on runs scored and runs allowed, which I do). While ESPN constantly talked about how Bonds had hit more homeruns off of guys like Greg Maddux, John Smoltz, and Curt Schilling (each have allowed 8 homeruns, but I think this is less due to the fact that Bonds has them "figured out" and more to do with the fact that they are good pitchers so they have been in the majors a looonnnnggg time), Bonds hit his big two home runs off of another guy who people will say isn't "clean" and a guy who has played 37 career games over 5 seasons, which happen to span 7 years. Downing and Aaron became close and Downing embraced his place in history. If Bonds' victims do the same, I'm afraid it will be more of a chance for fifteen minutes of fame (and a few bucks at card shows--which I might add, are probably some of the saddest things I've ever heard about) then about embracing your role in a historic moment.

There's three things that bother me about this chase and one reassuring fact. First, it really bothers me the way that sportscasters have taken to telling the story of Hank Aaron. It goes like this:

Hank Aaron was everything that was right with baseball. He faced bigotry, hate, and pitchers with the same grace and dignity as a champion. After having put up consistent years of 40 homeruns, and never hitting more than 47, which he did once, Aaron finally stood at the doorstep of history. At the end of 1973, he stood at 713, having hit that one on the next to the last day of the season.

He was assailed with hate mail during the offseason. Living in Georgia, and the South in general, Klansmen threatened to burn his house, lynch his children, and shoot him from the stands. Still Aaron went out there, and bravely played the 1974 season. He hit number 714 on the first day of the season in Cincinnati. Three days later, with a record crowd of 53,000 at Fulton-County Stadium, he hit #715 off of Al Downing. Two boys jumped down from the crowd to congratulate him, but many thought of something more disasterous. It was OK though, they just congratulated him. The End.

It really is a beautiful story. But, what they don't say is the next day, the crowd at Atlanta dropped back to 10,000 and typically stayed at that level (with the exception of a June game between the Braves and the Mets where Tom Seaver pitched). Aaron went on to hit 20 home runs in 112 games, only 89 of which he played in the outfield. At the end of the season, the all-time home run champ was traded to the Milwaukee Brewers for an outfielder named Dave May, who would hit 15 homeruns over two seasons with the Braves before being traded along with 3 other players to the Rangers for Jeff Burroughs (who was a decent player). The Braves also got Roger Alexander, a career minor leaguer who never saw the majors. Aaron went on to play two more years for the Brewers, almost exclusively as a DH, hitting 22 more homeruns. I don't want to channel Paul Harvey, but when you hear the rest of the story, it sounds less classy, not as dramatic, and, I would venture to say, sadder. Aaron was also very old when he hit record-breaking home run (especially by that era's standard), he wasn't an everyday starter, and while he is a classy guy, the moment wasn't the way it was described. Maybe it's because I wasn't alive at the time, but it seems to me that te was a bench player that year, only starting 89 games, and not one of the best. It sounds more like Craig Biggio getting his 3,000th hit this year, playing when he shouldn't be and limping along as a shadow of his former self. Yes, the record is about longevity, but it's hard to remember how the moment was when we like how we wanted it to be.

Another thing is that while there are books that detail Bonds guilt (and I admit that these guys were willing to go to jail over what they had written so they probably aren't lying), he hasn't really broken any rules. If he had used performance-enhancing drugs (namely, steroids and HGH) he really hadn't broken any rules of baseball. They weren't banned by baseball until 2003. He may be guilty of a criminal drug charges, but so was Tim Raines and Keith Hernandez (for those of you who don't know, Tim Raines would only slide head first into second base to avoid breaking his vial of crack in his back pocket) (and yes, that's the same Keith Hernandez on the Seinfeld episode with the "second spitter", who turned out to be current Braves pitching coach Roger McDowell). In addition, he has never failed a drug test administered by baseball, he has only once hit more than 49 homeruns (73 in 2001, and I know that number looks suspicious), it is widely believed by clinical physiologists that HGH has no effect on strength (though it does make your organs grow like acromegaly), and let's not forget that baseball parks are smaller now, there are more teams so the pitching talent is diluted, and there's better training (for an economist's take on this, read this article in the AJC, as well as the NY Times.

And let's not forget the old reliable "the media is ruining this". Sportscenter, who in a matter of 7 years raised the discourse on sports and has now ruined it, is trying to force it down our throats, with each of its ex-jocks pushing their opinion (yes, I'm looking at you John Kruk). Beat writers have their own quirky, somewhat snobbish thing to say (which, let's be honest, is just leftovers from some other smuck (usually national writers) writing about how he hates Barry Bonds. And national writers...I can't even go into this, but let's just use Rick Reilly. Reilly writes for Sports Illustrated, by far the leading magazine on sports in the US today. Reilly writes an article every week, which is printed on the inside of the back cover. I read it first every week. Here's his usual list of topics:

1. A heart-warming story about a blind child with no legs or arms, but has functional attennae and is a sports nut and so his dad takes him to games where he senses the game through his two functional appendanges and a wheel chair. (OK, they're not exactly like that, but they're the same stuff you see on Sportscenter on Sundays when they don't have anything else to run but need to fill up an hour and a half. In fact, sometimes, they're the exact same thing.)
2. Some story about being a parent.
3. A story about how certain hockey fans hate him.
4. What he would do if he could change the world.

Reilly has written about how Barry doesn't show up for team photo and is a bad teammate, only cares about himself and has too big of an ego to win the World Series (which went to 7 games), Barry's fans send psycho letters to Rick Reilly. That's just a quick search of what he has written. He also once tried to make Sammy Sosa pee in a cup, and said he would do the same to Bonds, to prove their innocence. I also remember he wrote once that the real criminals (Bonds and his personal trainer) were out free, while the guys that wrote the book Game of Shadows were about to go to jail for writing the book and not telling the court where they got the SEALED grand jury testimony. It goes on and on, and this is just one writer. Writers hate Barry Bonds--he's better than them, he has a sense of entitlement, and is very much a grown up child (whose still growing), he won't show up for a team photo, he's cocky, he toys with the media. The list goes on. They don't like him. And yet, they are the ones telling us that he is bad, he is wrong, and he's not like Aaron. True, he's not like Aaron, but Aaron wasn't like Babe Ruth either. And Babe Ruth wasn't AT ALL like the guys he passed.

The great hope of this situation, is the same hope that I have whenever anything happens of great importance. It's the comfort I feel that while I currently have no idea what to think of the current situation--is it exciting, terrible, horrifying, thrilling, relaxing, or some combination of any number of feelings--the best way to gauge what happens is time and perspective. Let's be honest, Ruth only played against white guys from the US--a very small percentage of the world's population, so it's difficult to say that these guys are the best. Aaron played at what was called the Launching Pad for the majority of a nearly 23 year career. He is currently second all-time in at-bats (behind Pete Rose--wonder how he collected all those hits?) and third in plate appearances (at-bats, plus walks). Bonds played in an era when the homerun rate skyrocketed league-wide, unlike Ruth who in 1920 hit more homeruns than any other TEAM in the American League (I still don't know how that wasn't fishy). Each of these eras had their sportswriters argue about whether or not this record holder was as worthy as the previous record holder and to look at how the new record holder has stained the game by making an unbeatable record tainted and attainable. They had robbed these writers of their innocence and heroes. Yes, a lot of Aaron's attacks were due to his race, but is it so far-fetched that Bonds isn't being treated the same way because of his race (and how he acts). I wonder if Dave Kingman would have been treated like this (a white malcontent).

The point of this is that it is reassuring that to know that history will judge whether Bonds was a cheater or not. Soon, the grand jury will decide whether or not to indict him (and grand juries usually are finished quicker than this--they're pretty much in the favor of the prosection, as the defendant has no representation, is not allowed to cross-examine witnesses, and only has to "probably have done" it, not be guilty "beyond reasonable doubt"). Sportswriters will find something else to ruffle their feathers, Bonds will likely play another season (though probably with an AL team so he can DH, as did Aaron) and then retire, and Americans will begin to discuss who holds the record. Kids will start remembering Barry Bonds as the record holder and dads, hopefully, will teach them what they believe happened in hindsight and who should really hold the record. I don't particularly like Barry Bonds, but even if he has used steroids, he's competing at a level no one has ever even touched, particularly for so long a time period. History will decide what happened and Bonds will be hailed as a champion or a cheater. Why don't the rest of us hold off judgement, or at least our wrath, until then.

Also, if you've made it this far, today is Tricia's first day of school. Pray for her.

Staff Development

So I'm officially a "Greenie" which is I guess short for the West Point Green Wave. Staff Development started this Wednesday, and I've been decorating my room and trying to figure out where the bathroom is ever since.

I have one car-pooling buddy so far, and we're hoping to add at least two more so that we each only have to drive one week a month. Talk about being Green! (haha, I'm punny). I have two different rooms, thus I'm a "floater" and I've only seen my main room, which I share with a retired principal who teachers two courses called: "Employability Skills." Where was that at good ole S.A.????

I'm a bit overwhelmed with everything I have to get done before students actually arrive, but I can't seem to focus on any one thing. Someone came in to show me something today and I was standing on a chair by the wall erasing pencil marks. I have no idea what I'm going to teach these kids that are to be our future, yet it seems I'm very concerned with pencil marks on the wall. YIKES!

I did get my door decorated today. It looks pretty cheesy. I'll try to take pictures pronto, but no making fun! I'm really sensitive with how "new kid on the block" I am!

My master schedule is:

1st and 2nd period: 9th grade Drama

3rd period: Planning

4th and 5th period: HS Drama

6th and 7th period: Public Speaking (Fall), Creative Writing (Spring)

Many prayers, please!:)

Hey Juice, I've got a question!

This will be quick, but I wanted to put this up for everyone to see. Apparently, some website airs a show where they interview the guest for half the time and then allow live call-ins. Well, recently, the show allowed OJ to come on there for interviews and callers decided to take the opportunity to give OJ a little ribbing about...you know...his double murder case (which ALLEGEDLY occurred on my 10th birthday--Happy Birthday, Little Caleb!).

(Hat tip to Deadspin and Winning the Turnover Battle. And Bill Walsh is the former coach of the 49ers, who happened to die yesterday of leukemia. Walsh led the Niners to multiple Super Bowls in the 80s, winning three, with Joe Montana--and some guy named Rice from Crawford, MS.)