Getting Your Book Pulled from the Pile

When going through a domestic adoption, the paperwork just to get approved is a beast. 

You have to answer a ton of philosophical questions about yourself, do every type of background check known to man, beg your friends to write recs for you, make it appear that you keep a tidy house for the Home Study..... I could seriously keep going, but all of these items end up in a file folder somewhere so they aren't worth me writing too much about.

The one piece of the puzzle that really, really matters is the Profile Book. This is a book that summarizes your family's life and all your fundamental beliefs. Things like how you and your spouse met. And what is Christmas is like at your house. And what kind of neighborhood you live in. And why you want to adopt. And details about your parents and siblings. And your thoughts on race and religion and education. And what you do for a living. 

Birth families look through all the Profile Books. 

They pick their child's family based on these books. 

I want to stop here a moment and point out that the Lord is sovereign, and He alone knits families together. 

With that being said, y'all, I have seen a lot of profile books. Enough to realize that most people do not know what they are doing when putting together these books. 

Our book has been picked every single time a birth family has looked at it. Two of the times we were chosen, the birth mothers decided in the end to parent their baby. The other time our book was chosen resulted in AB becoming our daughter.

So while remembering that God is ultimately in control over your family, not a book you make, here are some suggestions to keep in mind when putting your profile together. 

1. This book will most definitely be judged by its cover. 

Picture a young, nervous couple sitting in front of a pile of books about strangers who would like to raise their child. What draws them to one book over another? The cover is the first thing they see, so it needs to stand out. In my opinion, I think you should use a recent professional family portrait on the cover.

(This is our cover pic)

Do not do a collage of pics on the cover- it's overwhelming. 

Do not use a wedding portrait- consider the feelings of those who will be looking at your book. 

Do not use an old picture- it's important to be truthful in every aspect of your book.

2. Use good quality pictures. 

Consider pinterest. How often do you read the description underneath the picture? I never do. Our society values picture and video over language content. Eye-catching pictures will help your book stand out. 

3. Write to your audience.

The average birth mother who will be reading through your book is going to be between the ages 16-22. 

Write to them. Write from your heart to the woman who is carrying (potentially) your child. Think about what it might be like to be her and then express that in your words to her. Also consider the generation you are writing to. The Twitter Generation. The 5 second attention span generation. Seriously, be concise. As a former English teacher, trust me, no one in the world apparently likes to read. Let your pictures do the talking and let your text be compassionate, authentic, and full of lovingkindness. 

4. Be honest.

You might be tempted to make yourself sound more awesome than you are, but this is not a competition for Homecoming Queen. A person is trying to choose who will take care of the human life growing in her. Respect her enough to be honest.  

5. Follow the adoption agency's guidelines.

A good agency will give you tips and guidelines for what to include in your profile book and what not to include (like your last name or where you live). Our agency provided us with a sample book and that really helped me because at the time I had no clue what I was doing! Follow their lead- they know best. 

I really hope this might help someone who is overwhelmed at this part of the process. As important as it is, the biggest suggestion I can make is to remind you over and over again that the Lord is in control over your adoption, whether or not your book is amazing :) 

www.snapfish.com

www.shutterfly.com

(I have used both of the above companies to make photo books. Both are really user friendly and affordable)

The Stallings Family: Saying YES!

What if we said “NO” 

Breisch and I often look at each other after we have had a sweet moment with our children and say, “What if we answered God’s call to adopt with the word “no” instead of “yes.”

Three years ago, Breisch and I started praying about adoption. This was not the first time we had talked about adoption. In fact, the word “adoption” is mentioned a lot in our family. It was first mentioned before we had Gage, our first child, but we really started to pray about what that word meant to us three years ago. 

We asked ourselves when God commands us to care for the orphans and widows what does that look like in our family? Does that mean we aid in a fundraiser for someone adopting? Does it mean we invest more toward widow and adoption organizations? Or does it mean that we adopt one of God’s children as He adopted us. 

Well for our family, it meant answering “yes” to one amazing call that I cannot imagine saying “no” to. The emotions and the blessings I will never be able to put into words, but I am honored to be able to share our experience in discovering our “yes.” 

For three months, Breisch and I committed to pray for the word “adoption.” We did not really know what we were praying for, but the word adoption just kept creeping up in our conversation, community, and thoughts. 

After three months had passed, I was definitely feeling my heart stirring! Since we had only been praying about it separately and not discussing it together yet, I was unsure what Breisch's feelings were about it, but when I asked him, he said so calmly, “start doing the paper work.” This was not some big moment. It was more like a matter of fact statement. Get the stuff together and lets see how serious she is kind of comment, but I took it and ran. He had every right to feel like that after all I am a great ideas person, but completing something with this much detail is not likely for me. 

As we started the process, I often asked Breisch how he was feeling about it. I told him that we could stop the process at anytime. Let me make something very clear. I was never going against him on the issue, but he could never find a reason to say no either. At this point neither of us can honestly say that a “YES” was not confidently heard by God, but neither was a “NO.” Within days of us starting the process “yes” after “yes” after “yes,” rained down from God. 

As we look back on it, we realize what it truly meant to walk in faith. We knew what the Bible said about adoption, but our worldly thoughts clouded our minds until we committed to His word. We had to commit to what God commands and not depend on our worldly hearts to lead us. 

Through this process there were so many times the enemy created doubt and fear. I think that is why the phrase “what if we said NO” affect Breisch and I so much. 

Every time I say it out loud it takes my breath away because saying no meant Daniel would not have a name. When we received the birth certificate from the hospital the first name read “Baby and the last name read “Boy.” Talk about making your stomach hurt. That alone breaks me. 

Saying no meant that I would never get to see Daniel’s smiles.

Saying no meant that my children’s testimonies would not have Daniel’s influence in them. 

Saying no meant that our family would not even get to experience all the countless blessings from the last two years. 

Saying no meant that our family would not see God through Daniel because I believe there is no better way to witness God than through one of His children. 

Saying no means that our family would miss out on all the blessings that God has in store for us throughout Daniel’s life. 

There were so many times in the process where we could have said “No,” but because we faithfully started the process God protected our “Yes” through the strength He gave us everyday. He walked us through all the fear and doubt, and I sit here today so excited that I can share all the not so easy parts of the journey with you. 

Prayed to the Lord my God and Confessed and said, “Alas, O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant and Loving kindness for those who love Him and Keep His commandments" 

(Daniel 9:4)

Is this the year you adopt?

Happy New Year!!!

A few years ago, my wonderful friend Amanda shared that instead of New Years Resolutions, she does a one word to theme out her year..... Joy or Thankful or Patience.... you get the idea.

I decided to copy her last year and as I've written before, my word was Contentment. 

While I'm still mulling over my 2016 Word, I started thinking, what if everyone who says "I've always thought about adoption" made it their Word.

As in, maybe this is the year your family should quit thinking about adoption/foster care and start talking about it. 

About 2-3 times a month, I receive a message from a friend of a friend of a friend who wants to talk with me about the adoption process. Every single message begins the same way: I've always thought about adoption, but I don't know where to start. We've totally been there too and know just how you feel. It's completely overwhelming. 

So if you decide that 2016 is the year that you start talking about what adoption might look like for your family, here are some talking points that might help you navigate the discussion. This isn't an all-inclusive list, just some ideas for you and your spouse to consider. 

Domestic or International

Are you more drawn to adopting locally or nationally?

Is there a particular country that you lean toward? Ethiopia, China, Guatemala, etc. 

Can you handle the huge cultural transition it would be for the child?

Race

Realistically, do you see yourself adding a child of a different skin color to your family?

Are you apprehensive about the issues that could arise for you and the child by being a multi-racial family?

Age

 Do you definitely only want a baby or would you consider a toddler, young child, or even a teenager?

How would age affect your biological children, specifically if birth order was changed?

Special Needs

Would you consider adopting a physically, mentally, emotionally, or developmentally delayed child?

 

Your Finances

Where is the money going to come from? 

Are you ok with asking friends and family for donations or what are areas of your budget could you cut back on to help with costs?

Pray separately for about a week about each of those issues before talking together. That prayer time allows for the Lord to soften or change your hearts and can direct you guys more closely to being on the same page.

Because once y'all are on the same page, it will be easier to know where to start. 

 

And above all else, remember that the Lord is in control of your adoption situation, so every challenge you come across or door that shuts is really just Him leading you in another direction- a direction closer to the child He has planned for you.

 (Ella is in this pic, we just didn't know it yet!)