Open Adoptions Aren't Scary

"Did you guys do an open adoption?"

I believe that is probably the most frequent adoption question we get. 

The short answer is yes, we have an open adoption with AB. Joshua's adoption is an anomaly- adoptions like his hardly ever happen- so when I speak on my experience with open adoptions, I'm always referring to AB's. 

I think most people are hesitant about open adoptions- I know I was in the beginning of my adoption research journey. Now that I'm on the other side of things, I'm 100% in favor of that case file being wide open. The more open the better.

Better for who? 

Me? 

The Birth Mother?

No....

Better for my daughter. 

Because our adoption is open, we have a relationship with AB's Birth Mother. AB has pictures of her Birth Mother holding her in the hospital. She'll be able to see where she gets that one dimple from when she smiles. She has journal entries written to her from her Birth Mother, and some of her questions can be answered when she's ready to ask them. Plus, we have information about AB's biological medical history. That in itself is huge.

Because our adoption is open, if AB ever wants to meet her Birth Mother, she can. She'll be able to reunite without having to google snippets of information she's come across or making a pitiful plea on Facebook for help in finding her. All we have to do is contact the agency and set it up. 

Because our adoption is open, AB's Birth Mother doesn't have to wonder where on earth her baby girl is. She picked us for her baby and has the security of knowing the child she carried is safe and loved. She doesn't need a desperate search to find AB- she can contact the agency and set up a get together.

There is so much peace in that. 

So what does our open adoption involve? It started the moment our Birth Mother picked us out of that pile. We video chatted with the help of our agency social workers a few days before AB was born. We talked with her before she was wheeled back for her C-section, and we all rejoiced together in her recovery room as AB was passed from arm to arm. 

The first year of AB's life, we sent update letters and pictures every other month through the agency, and now we send them once or twice a year. One time, I took a hilarious video of AB and sent it to the agency for our BM to see. She loved it and appreciated it so much! We send our BM a small birthday package every year too, just so she knows that she is a part of our lives. 

To be honest, closed domestic adoptions are really a thing of the past. Unless you are going through DHR and adopting a child whose parental rights have been terminated, you will have an open adoption. 

But that is a good thing. Open adoptions aren't scary- I think they're the best :)

Getting The Call

Today was Joshua's Half Birthday, so we celebrated with a half cake. Caleb said a yellow cake with chocolate icing was Joshua's favorite. Funny how that is Caleb's favorite as well. Two peas in a pod, those boys. 

Poor thing had to watch us eat his cake. I am lax about a lot of things, but I am psycho when it comes to my kids having sugar before their first birthday. Is it for health reasons? No. I just want to get the picture of their face when they eat sweets for the very first time. 

My craziness paid off big time with AB because I have this:

We celebrated another anniversary yesterday. It was our 2nd Annual AB Awareness Day. 

We got The Call from our adoption agency on August 6, 2013, and it was the call that changed everything and made us parents. I still get emotional just thinking about it. 

I am thinking about all the other people out there waiting on their version of The Call. Good grief, for some it takes y e a r s. AB's Birthmother selected us two weeks after we were approved by the agency, so compared to others, we really didn't have that long of a wait. The uncertainty of it all does certainly exaggerate the wait, though.  That was one looooooooong summer for us.

AB was due 10 days after we received the call, so we jumped from being anxious about infertility and sitting stagnant on an adoption list to preparing the house and our hearts for a newborn baby. 

I am horrible at memorizing scripture, so the fact that this verse popped into my head word for word when I needed it is a true testament to the Lord's hand over our situation and my spinning brain:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:6-7 

 To my friends who are in the waiting stage, whether you're googling adoption sites or crying over the IVF brochure the fertility specialist just handed you, I hope that verse offers you the same peace it did for me (and still does). 

And whenever The Call does come for you guys, and in whatever form that may be.... phone call, letter, etc., please share it with us! Snap a pic of yourselves in that beautiful mix of ugly cry and utter excitement and e-mail it to me at triciabutts@gmail.com. That way we can share in your excitement and support you through prayer.

The adoption community is a really fun one to be in! Let's share our stories and continue to be a resource for each other :) 

Same Name, New Blog

A few months ago, I posted a status on facebook about four babies in Florida needing homes, needing to be adopted. 

The response was tremendous. I joked with my mom that for about two weeks, it was like having a part-time job. I was getting about 25 facebook messages a day from friends of mine, friends of friends, complete strangers..... it was incredible and a little overwhelming.

Many people knew about our two adoptions, the most recent one being back in early March, so I was getting asked a spectrum of questions. As I responded to all the people interested in the Florida babies, I was really able to see firsthand the huge interest in adoption, fostering, and orphan care, and just how tangled up in the process many families are right now.

There are so many resources out there, but finding the good stuff, the actually helpful stuff is kind of tricky.

My mom encouraged me to kick the blog back up, and I've thought about it for several months now. I've skimmed the internet to see what's out there, and a bunch of what I came across was really outdated, focused on only one aspect of adoption, or used such flowery and emotional language that I was rolling my eyes.

Every adoption story is so unique and interesting- how certain children come into the homes of certain families and being able to see God's timing in it all is just a cool thing to share. I'd like to have guest bloggers on here to tell about their experiences. That's the main goal of this- that it is a platform to share our stories.

So in attempting this new blog-style, here are the aspects I hope to center around and focus on:
-International Adoption
-Domestic Adoption
-Fostering
-Book Reviews
-Practical ways you can support families in the process of adoption/fostering
-Multi-racial/Multi-cultural Families
-DHR (I have nothing nice to say about DHR, so anything on that subject will definitely have to come from a guest blogger)
-Infertility- did you know that 1 in 8 couples deal with infertility?? Where the heck was this stat when everyone was pregnant but me?
-Prayer

I'm not interested in this becoming anything bigger than it is- this is not Momastery and I am no Jen Hatmaker. I'm not going to check the stats or comments, nor will I have a consistent post schedule.

But four years ago, I would have really liked to stumble across something like this. I was completely confused and lost in the adoption process, not to mention broken-hearted every month when we still weren't pregnant. I didn't know many people who had adopted, and the whole process of educating myself on everything was so time consuming and overwhelming.

Maybe this will help someone, great! And if after a month and no one is reading the blog, then I'll just call it a day and shut it down.

I'm including a video our church made that tells our adoption story. Click HERE to go to the Vimeo page. Enjoy the freeze-framed expression on my face there at the beginning. Also, I'm three months pregnant in that video and was verrrrrry sick the two hours before the videographer came over. The show had to go on though!

 If there is a particular topic or question you have that you'd like to see addressed, feel free to leave it in the comment section to this post. Or if you think this whole idea is dumb, tell me that too so that I don't waste too much time on a dumb idea.

I'll end with this good-looking crew!

Taken June 6, 2015

Yes, that's a Beaufort Bonnet. Those deserve a post all their own.