Open Adoptions Aren't Scary

"Did you guys do an open adoption?"

I believe that is probably the most frequent adoption question we get. 

The short answer is yes, we have an open adoption with AB. Joshua's adoption is an anomaly- adoptions like his hardly ever happen- so when I speak on my experience with open adoptions, I'm always referring to AB's. 

I think most people are hesitant about open adoptions- I know I was in the beginning of my adoption research journey. Now that I'm on the other side of things, I'm 100% in favor of that case file being wide open. The more open the better.

Better for who? 

Me? 

The Birth Mother?

No....

Better for my daughter. 

Because our adoption is open, we have a relationship with AB's Birth Mother. AB has pictures of her Birth Mother holding her in the hospital. She'll be able to see where she gets that one dimple from when she smiles. She has journal entries written to her from her Birth Mother, and some of her questions can be answered when she's ready to ask them. Plus, we have information about AB's biological medical history. That in itself is huge.

Because our adoption is open, if AB ever wants to meet her Birth Mother, she can. She'll be able to reunite without having to google snippets of information she's come across or making a pitiful plea on Facebook for help in finding her. All we have to do is contact the agency and set it up. 

Because our adoption is open, AB's Birth Mother doesn't have to wonder where on earth her baby girl is. She picked us for her baby and has the security of knowing the child she carried is safe and loved. She doesn't need a desperate search to find AB- she can contact the agency and set up a get together.

There is so much peace in that. 

So what does our open adoption involve? It started the moment our Birth Mother picked us out of that pile. We video chatted with the help of our agency social workers a few days before AB was born. We talked with her before she was wheeled back for her C-section, and we all rejoiced together in her recovery room as AB was passed from arm to arm. 

The first year of AB's life, we sent update letters and pictures every other month through the agency, and now we send them once or twice a year. One time, I took a hilarious video of AB and sent it to the agency for our BM to see. She loved it and appreciated it so much! We send our BM a small birthday package every year too, just so she knows that she is a part of our lives. 

To be honest, closed domestic adoptions are really a thing of the past. Unless you are going through DHR and adopting a child whose parental rights have been terminated, you will have an open adoption. 

But that is a good thing. Open adoptions aren't scary- I think they're the best :)