Let's Go Walkin' Mississippi!

I'm sure most of you have seen these commercials; the latest health initiative by the Governor.

I bet none of you, however, have requested your own free pedometer to help you in your endeavor to 'go walkin.' Well, my friends.... Caleb has.


His shiny blue pedometer is now proudly clipped to his pants at all times. He even wore it to church yesterday. You might confuse it as a beeper if it didn't have "Let's Go Walkin' Mississippi" in a decorative font on the front. It counts every step for him as his goal is 10,000 steps a day. We make up the deficit during long walks every night to insure he gets in the 10,000. I of course, am loving the enthusiastic walking partner, since Kara moved away to Nashville and I haven't made a consistent walking partner since her departure.

So, the Butts are walkin' up a storm these days. 10,000 to be exact. Caleb is taking it very seriously. Last night at about 9:00, he only had around 2,000 steps for the whole day. We went on a walk through town and campus, but when we got home, he lacked 480 steps.

So he started pacing around the apartment.

If you would like your own "Let's Go Walkin' Mississippi" pedometer, click here. Let's Go Walkin' Bloggers! hahahahhahahha.

Crawfish and Ice Cream, a delightful combo

To get the weekend kicked off on a high note, me and my Grad School Friends carpooled to an Education Job Fair in Columbus. It was such fun, and I was even on the news, which really doesn't get me as excited as it used to.


After the Job Fair, Dad invited Caleb and me to the annual Crawfish Boil at the Vet School. It is always a good time, filled with all-you-can-eat crawfish, dogs everywhere and there's always a cute Smith child somewhere for you to play with:)

This year, they really pulled out all the stops and served not just crawfish, but fried catfish and jumbalaya AND MSU ICE CREAM.

So here are the contents of my belly on Saturday:

-an estimated 3 pounds of crawfish

-two servings of jumbalaya

-roughly a dozen catfish "fingers" (they are the size of chicken fingers, so why not "catfish fingers?")

-TWO containers of cookies 'n' cream MSU ice cream

It was a good meal.

Instead of taking a four hour nap after this fine feast, I had to meet a prospective Bulldog at the Welcome Center for a Saturday Tour. No comments on that....

When I got home, Caleb greeted me with, "Want to go to an SSRC Party?" I replied with, "What is an SSRC Party?" Is this like a KD Party? Do I need to go immediately to Nearly Nu and rent an 80's sequined prom dress???

No costume was needed, it was a BBQ with people that work at the Social Science Research Center at MSU. Yep, they willingly choose to do research for 8 hours a day. But they like it, so who am I to judge.

That is all for Saturday.

OH NO.

I have made a terrible endorsement.

Why? Sheryl ???? Why?

Apparently, Sheryl Crow has her own blog. And apparently she is crazy.

Formerly known as the Coolest English Teacher turned Rock Star, in my book, Crow is now a raving lunatic. She writes about being "Green" in the craziest terms, suggesting that we only use one square of toilet paper each go. Has she, herself, ever gone to the bathroom? Most likely not, or else she would know that one square (even if it's double ply) does not get the job done. I for one, like to use about 18 squares. In fact, when I lived at home, Molly and I sometimes went through a roll in one day. And I don't care, because, to me, using tons of TP is not an environmental issue, it's a hygene issue. Take that, Sheryl.

S.C. also writes about her knew clothing line she developed so that the human race no longer has to use napkins. Her shirts come with an attachable "dining sleeve" for us to wipe our mouth and nose on. That way, we won't have to use wood from virgin trees in order to produce napkins. I think this is a fine idea, Sheryl! Let's revert BACK to the etiquette tactics of the caveman and wipe our spaghetti stained mouth with our sleeve.

So let it be known throughout the land, that I am no longer a fan. I will still keep "Good is Good" on repeat in my car, but other than that, the Tricia and Sheryl relationship is null and void.

Bachelor Quickie Post

I committed to blogging after each episode of the Bachelor, but this week, Laurette asked me to hold off on my comments until she had a chance to TiVo it. Hopefully, she's seen it by now and I won't give anything away.

I don't have a lot to say at this point, other than this past episode was excitingly not cliche! Andy Baldwin (albeit with gay tendencies and often under the influence of alchohol) made seemingly clear-headed and responsible decisions during the rose ceremony:

He eliminated all the petty, bratty, indignant, catty and back-stabbing girls!

Really.

They are all gone.

I suppose this leaves the show in a certain state of turmoil, as the rest of the episodes are going to be free of Stephanie-South Carolina's egotistical spouts, as witnessed before the Rose Ceremony: "I'm about 90 percent positive Andy is going to offer me a Rose." (Sorry, Steph- South Carolina, no Rose for You. Come back. Next year. ... shout out to the Soup Nazi).

Also big shocker: Kate, Boutique Owner, also eliminated. She was Caleb's pic. Sorry Caleb. You lose. She was the cute girl with the bubbly personality, long blonde hair and skimpy skirts. Her vice: back-stabbing bi-otch.

Apparently, Andy isn't just a Medical Doctor in one of the most demanding divisions of the U.S. Navy, he also possesses the power of discernment. Excellent.

So that's last weeks show in all its glory. It was full of drama, but in the end, Andy booted all the bad apples out. Future episodes will probably be full of kissy-kissy scenes, but unfortunately, no more back-stabbing, which I thought was integral to any show centering around one hot guy and twenty catty girls.

Couch Potatoes... Here We Come!!!

Although it's true we only have five tv stations, we still want to view these shows in comfort. Thus, the Butts are Couch Hunting.

Thanks to generous funding from my Grandaddy and good saving skills from Caleb, we have enough money for a pretty good couch. We've been touring furniture marts throughout East Mississippi and North Alabama since our nuptials back in July, but we are just now ready to commit to an actual purchase. So this past Saturday, we headed off to the Bassett Furniture Store near West Point. It was there we ran into Shane Ingram, fellow Starkville Academy classmate and friend and also the Mother of All Sofas: the "Simply Yours MANOR" edition.

It was Shane that led us on the path to the Manor.

Caleb and I were testing out couches in our budget throughout the store and we had narrowed it down to two. Then Shane said, "if you're really looking for a big couch, check out the one to the right of our office." So we mosy over to this big couch, sit down, and (drumroll) instantly connect souls with that of the "Simply Yours Manor." Ladies and Gentleman Readers of this Blog: this couch is as big (OR BIGGER) than a TWIN size bed. It is sheer awesome-ness. Regretfully, it is a tad outside of our budget, but I have crunched the numbers (something I try not to do as a Life Rule) and if we get a "friend discount" with Shane and Twelve Months No-Interest Financing, then we may be able to cart Simply Yours Manor home. PLUS I can customize the design. So I can definitely have it with recessed sock arms, box-edged loose back cushions, bun legs (in java wood, no less) and in the color of red. Fabric for throw pillows still to be decided, but no fears... I've been playing around with swatches via the internet all morning.

I would like to go ahead and extend an invitation to all our readers to a "Sit and Sip" to meet our new couch once we bring her home. Everyone is welcome, as the Simply Yours Manor can easily seat about 8 people at one time.

It's a Good Life

Please pretend I am standing behind a podium on a mid-size stage (with backdrop curtains of course) and saying this as a speech.

I would like to thank my family and friends for the fantastic birthday! It was such a great way to welcome a new year and celebrate the past 23. For those of you who have not happened upon Heather's shrine to me, just click here. A lot of work went into this masterpiece, so I need to thank Laura for scanning in the pictures from the Tomlinson home in Starkville and e-mailing them to Heather in Hattiesburg.

Other specific thanks:

Family for the great gifts. The cards were excellent this year as well (all were singing cards)

Friends for Blogging Shrines, cards in the mail, phone calls, facebook wall posts, and blogging comments. I have great friends!

Caleb for participating in the Birthday Events: Cotton District Arts Festival and I made him go couch shopping (more to follow on this later.... don't worry)

I would also like to extend a thanks to Chili's for their excellent Bottomless Chips n' Salsa and the Lettuce Leafs (this is really good... not rabbit food like it sounds). However, no thanks is given to our waiter. When asked to refill our drinks he said, "slow down! slow down!" As if we were big lushes. We were drinking water and tea and the salsa was spicy. And it was my birthday! You should fill my water glass with enthusiasm, Chili's Man!

Again, thanks to everyone for being such great friends and family!!! And if you have an suggestions on what to do for Heather on her birthday, let me know because:
1. It's coming up very soon: May 5

2. It's going to be hard to top

Ro Taylor for Bachelor XXI!!!

I think we all agree that Ro Taylor should apply for this show. I can only imagine some slutty slut-slut trying to make a move on Ro while rubbing mud all over him. I am 100% convinced that Rick Moranis could go on this show and the girls would compete over him. My God, what would they do over Ro Taylor?

I must add that my favorite part was when Stephanie-South Carolina (who Tricia kept saying has bad hair-my wife, sweet spirit) was given a rose over the girl from Lousiana with colagen lips and someone else who was ugly and I jumped up and down on the couch yelling "In your face, Tricia!" because she was saying thinkgs like "Anyone but Stephanie South Carolina." Furthermore, glamour shot on the bachelor's website is not nearly as bad as how she looked at the last rose ceremony.

Also, I swear that Peyton was a KD. Look at that glam shot-doesn't it belong on a KD composite somewhere? Furthermore, she was wearing a green dress on her date, and as Travis, Luke, Trey, and I know, KD is all about some green. Don't believe me? Link. Still don't?

Yes, the idea that he's drunk is always good, but sometimes I like to pretend that he's a touch retarded. It also makes the show more enjoyable.

For what it's worth, I'm cheering for Bevin, the girl from Palo Alto who is a medical researcher. For those of you who are unfamiliar, that probably means she works at Stanford University, which is freaking awesome. (Just a tidbit about Stanford: their mascot (the Cardinal) is a singular noun, and not plural like everyone else's (i.e. Bulldogs, Yellow Jackets, Tigers, etc). That's right, they're the Stanford Cardinal. Back to Bevin.) I also am thrilled beyond description of the prospect that in a week or two, one of the slutty girls will wear something low-cut and short, while Bevin will still be limping around on crutches, and Bevin will get a rose causing another slut to go home empty handed and angry that "the cripple even got a rose!" I pray for this every night.

In addition, I wanted to include the link to Tricia's aptly-named Crazy Eyes. I swear those eyes look painted on.

In summary, Kate will still win, though Bevin is my dark horse.

Poor Andy Baldwin....

Episode Three of The Bachelor: OAAG left Caleb and I more bumfuzzled than ever. That is until we realized what was clearly under our nose the entire time: Andy was drunk during the taping of at least 83% of the show. But we were okay upon this conclusion because it explains so much: first of which perhaps that he might not be gay after all, as Claire has hypothesized, but it also sheds light on Andy's bizarre behavior. Of course! He's just drunk!

So here are a few of our notes- Caleb, feel free to post with more:
The weirdest part of the episode was when Andy had a one-on-one date with TWO girls at the same time. I'm not good with math, but come on!
Caleb was rooting for Peyton, whose profession is "sorority recruiter" (what the heck is that? Is that what Fran does now?), while I was rooting for Tessa because she has unkempt but cool brown hair and doesn't appear to wear much make-up but is still cute as a button. Tessa won out in the end (which I called early on because Andy hugged her first THEN hugged Peyton, Sorority Recruiter Extroidonnaire... spelling?) and Andy led her to their very own helicopter to travel back to the mansion in.

BUT FIRST! He must bid the lovely Sorority Recruiter an Intimate Farewell. Even though Peyton just got "dumped" so to speak, she still allowed herself to be swept away into the loving (yet hypocritical) embrace of our Andy: Officer and a Gentleman. During the embrace, our stud Andy just kept saying: You're just a really awesome person." He never said her name, which makes me wonder if he knows it. Maybe he just chose Tessa because he could only remember her name?

That pretty much hits the highlight of all I gleaned from the show. There are tidbits here and there, but they are all things found in every cliched episode, so it would just be boring to sit here and type it out. Just to recap, however, let no man forget that pretty much every single BG is currently "in love" with Andy and they are all having a difficult time "dating a guy with 16 other girlfriends."

Caleb Posted! Yippee!

So he finally sucuumbed to the wonders of blogging. I'm very excited.

Okay, so here's what I planned on writing about today: Onions.

First of all, let it be known throughout the land that I heart onions. I don't care that they make your breath stink- I still think they are awesome. They can go in virtually ever dish you can think of and in a variety of ways.

So here's the point. Last night, when I cut into my fresh, new onion to add to our Chinese stir-fry, I realized that we had bought a freakishly unique onion from Wal-Mart. In my possession is the conjoined twin of onions. The thing has two heads!

Sorry I don't have a picture, but try to visualize: the typical onion is made up of layer upon layer. Communication theorists use this layering to describe the human process of intimacy (we get to know each other on an individual basis more and more as we take off layer by layer of our thoughts). But as you peel off the skin of my Two-Headed Freak onion, you find two onions that grew together. So there is actually a layer of peel in the middle of the conjoined twins. It's hard to imagine, but it's true. And weird.

I'm still using this onion for all my cooking needs, but I'm wondering how often this happens? What is the ratio of Regular Onions to Two-Headed Onions? Is it similar to the ratio of Twins to Conjoined Twins? Have I tapped in to a rare example of Mother Nature's Mystery?

A few links....

This is Caleb. There's really nothing interesting about me right now (except that I have three papers due over the next two weeks), so instead of an actual first post, I'm just going to give you all a few links to enjoy.

-The Bachelor Blog - It's not nearly as funny as Tricia's take on it, but this is updated weekly and by one of my favorite writer's (wife). I do love the fact that The Bachelor this year has far to many cliches going on. Officer and a Gentleman, Top Gun, and Titanic in two weeks? Isn't that a little much? And yes, the girl who wore the short dress, did the worm, and rode the mechanical bull will win--this show is stupid and the guy always picks the girl with big boobs cause "she's his soul mate." I honestly think that's my favorite part about it--how the show lives up to its dimensionless characture and is so predictable. I love when that happens in real life, too--way more fun when you can predict how something will turn out then to have someone be multi-dimensional and unpredictable.

-Speaking of 80s movies, enjoy this link for hours on end...for the few minutes you can stand it.

-This clip is funny to me because I KNOW that I can think back and remember probably believing this video was awesome and that the great Christain Laettner was very smooth. I'm sure Laurette also danced around to this in her room.

-Google Directions are amazing! Please ask for directions from New York, NY to Paris, France. #23 is my favorite direction.

That's all for now--does anyone want to help me with Bardach's Eightfold Path on how to solve childhood obesity?

Victory is Mine!

Hey Remember when I started the entreaty into overwhelming Laurette into starting a blog???

Well my vision has become a reality.

Click here to view The Wolfe Pack. Enjoy! And everyone can thank me later for one more site to keep them busy at work.

Seamstress I am...

I've forgotten to blog about a fun new aspect of my life: The Role of Seamstress.

For my birthday, my Nana and Lewie mailed me a huge box, and upon opening it, discovered my very own sewing machine! I can't take pictures of it right now because my camera batteries are dead and I paid $8 for them in Cleveland and I just can't believe the fact that they've already died.

So even though there are no visuals, just know that I have an awesome sewing machine and I've already gotten busy on it. I've sewed a pin cushion together, I've made a coaster and I've even stitched Lessye's torn khaki capris back together (she ripped them at Honors Orientation... luckily, I was quick on hand with the machine).

I'm probably going to start making my own clothes, like the Quakers do, but I'm going to get really trendy patterns from Wal-Mart and the Golden Triangle Fabric Store, conveniently located in downtown Starkville.

Secret Society Advertisement?

You must click play and check out the sweet dance moves. The choreography is everything I could ever hope of coming up with myself, plus it reminds me of our sheer awesome Growing Pains performance.

ALSO:

On my way to work this morning, I was behind a black 2005 Tacoma with this bumper sticker on the back:

So my question is, isn't this a Secret Society? The Free Masons? So why would he have the signalia on the back of his truck? Other clues to who this person is: He had a National Guard license plate AND he's an MSU student. Who is this young Free Mason? I thought you had to be over 60? And how is he getting to advertise his secret society? And aren't they supposed to know the location of the Holy Grail (if it isn't the sacred feminine, as supposed by The DaVinci Code). Anyway, a few thoughts on this curious bumper sticker.

Bachelor: OAG (officer and gentleman)

Problem.

I can't really tell you my direct opinion on the latest installment of The Bachelor because:

1. Caleb had to study, so it wasn't his pick of the week, thus there really wasn't any motivation to watch it.

2. I was flipping back and forth between Bachelor and the new NBC show "Thank God You're Here" (which I like, by the way. It's fun improv.)

So, I'm just going to speak of what tidbits I saw and it will have to suffice. (note: I'm only doing this entry because Laurette actually asked about it- who knew anyone actually reads this stuff!)

Here is a daring congo line one of the more flirtier girls started. Those BG's (Brothel Girls) are so crazy. You'll notice Andy is no where to be find. He's probably having one-one-one time with Stephanie, to whom he gave the "First Impression Rose" to and the invitation to "First Date." In case anyone forgets, Stephanie is quick to remind every person she comes in contact with.

A few quick things to note about episode #2:

1. One of the girls has already "fallen in love with Andy." She says this through her tears as she confides in another BG in a tiny hallway bathroom. Keep in mind they've only known him for three days at this point. Come on, sister. Handsome though he is, in love you are not.

2. Stephanie really gets on my nerves. "Look at me, I got the First Impression Rose!... Hey! Remember that time Andy gave me the First Impression Rose?... I'm not worried about leaving because Andy gave me the First Impression Rose... Andy clearly needs to re-evaluate his sense of first impressions.

3. On her date with Mr. Bachelor, Stephanie wore an incredibly risque dress. I thought it was inappropriate even though she's having to stand out from the pack. Let's hang on to our values.

4. This comment was made: "I'm just sick of dating a guy who has 14 other girlfriends!" Finally, someone got a clue.

I'll try to pay better attention next week.

PROM!

So my little sister Molly had her Junior Prom this past Thursday and I loved every second of it. Mainly because she looked STUNNING (note: I did her hair and make-up so of course she looked good) but also because through her, I can relive High School all over again. Long ago were the days I rocked Prom in my skimpy two piece (Heather: embrace it. Don't be ashamed).

Can you spot Molly? Hint: she's tall, in the back row, third from the right and wearing a strapless maroon number.

Here's where I crossed the Blogging Line. I really did this and it's embarrassing. I went up to Molly's date and said, "Hey. I'm Molly's sister. I need a picture for my blog." Before this poor 16-year old boy could respond, I held my camera up to his face ( he's way over 6 feet) and snapped this pic:

I know.... I should be banned from all Proms for this one insidious act. But here's a picture of the handsome couple together:

Just Friends!

I HEART PROM!!!!

Sheryl Crow, Obvious Yay plus Lessye's Quest for Colon Cleansing

I know the title of this post is intriguing and you are probably most curious about Lessye's Quest, but first things first... the Great Sheryl Crow.
On a recent poll throughout the office, it seems that no one recognizes Sheryl Crow for the musical genius that she is. Often, she is mocked for songs like "Soak up the Sun" and "Winding Road" but has anyone heard her latest album? She clearly is a prodigy if STING agrees to a duet with her. To help you join the path to musical magic, here's Sheryl with her latest:



Ok, now that I've opened your eyes to the vocal stylings of S.C., we must move on to Lessye's new obsession with getting toxins out of her body (Lessye is my co-worker and fellow MAT-S friend by the way). Apparently, (according to Dr. Natura from drnatura.com) we all have toxins and parasites in our colon. I will not put the pictures on this blog, but just know this, friends. There are people in this world who have taken pictures of their poo poo after taking Colinix and it is out there on the web for anyone to view. I almost threw up. Testimonials say they've lost weight and have more energy than ever before. I will hold on to my toxins however, because these people now have orange poo poo, and that just isn't natural.

Flashback to Candy from the 80's

Anyone remember "Lik-a-Stik" also known as Fun Dip?

Well they were passing it out on the Drill Field for free today. I didn't know it was even still in mass production, but it is.

Richard McRae Hopper, Sr.: Dr. Doolittle and Resident Funny Man

I know I posted about Molly trying to kill me on April Fool's Day, but I now would like to share the prank Dad pulled on her. He has even provided me with photographic evidence of the event.

Picture it.

Molly walks into the bathroom, when SPLASH! Out of nowhere, as if from above, water crashes down on her. It seems as though her father placed a cup of water atop the door, knowing that with only the slightest move, the water would topple down upon her.

If you look very carefully, you can see the red Dixie cup perched, ready for attack.

Here's a close-up for those who couldn't see it before.

Unfortunately for Dad, Molly found the cup to be rather obvious, and just pushed the door open and watched the cup full of water fall onto the bathroom floor, then made Dad clean it up.

But the lesson here, is to always attempt the prank and not be discouraged if it doesn't work according to plan.

There will be many more moons of April Fool's Day.

Embarassing Yet True

It's Happened.

After carefully avoiding anything related to the previous 9 seasons, I have now taken in an episode of the meat-market series known to shallow women everywhere as The Bachelor.

I want it on the record that I did not have the remote in my hand when the channel flipping landed on ABC. Yes, your guess is correct.

It was Caleb's show pick of the night.

We watched most of the whole hour (we flipped between this and the NCAA Basketball Tournament) and got the gist of what happens for the very first Rose Ceremony. There are like 40 gorgeous women, all already in love with this handsome officer and a gentleman and Andy Baldwin (U.S. Navy Lieutenant Andy Baldwin, M.D., 30, an undersea medical officer for a special operations dive unit stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii) gets to hook up with all of them before finally settling on one, His Future Wife, The Woman of His Wildest Dreams.

Here's a Group Shot of all the Desperate Ladies before the Rose Ceremony. Regretfully, a handful were sent home before Andy truly got to know them.

This is Crazy Eyes, coined by Caleb and I. You can't get the full effect from this pic, but trust us. She has the Crazy Eyes. Of course, C.E. was sent home after a mere three hours of getting to know all the other Brothel Girls.

Here are some notes I took before gouging my eyes out in disgust:

1. Andy has no personality. Sure, he has a lot going for him... he's cute, a doctor, wears a military uniform, is part of a special operations dive unit stationed in Pearl Harbor, a world-class triathlete and according to Producer's of The Bachelor, his "achievements are matched by his good-natured personality, stunning good looks and self-deprecating sense of humor." Yet all he can think to say throughout the entire episode is, "the is better than my wildest dream" and "I can't believe my future wife is standing in that room." Puh-lease!

2. Upon meeting Andy, one of the Brothel Girls told my famous sausage joke, but she used muffins instead of sausage and she totally blew it. It was a vain attempt at a good first impression and in telling the best joke in the history of humor.

3. During the post-show/rolling credits/next episode tease, all the clips of what's to come have beautiful sunsets, panorama views from sailboats and waterfalls with a voice-over of several of the Brothel Girls saying, "I'm really falling in love with him." It is super cheesy, gooby, pitiful and sad.

4. Each of the Brothel Girls have a cg when they come on screen showing their name and profession, just like we did at the news station for interviews. One BG (Brothel Girl) has her name, then her profession is Former Miss Illinois. That is her profession.

That is all. Stayed tuned for next week's bitter comments as Caleb told me it is going to be his permanent pick for the rest of the season.

April Fool's Day In Your Face, Molly

So after a very busy weekend, I dedicated a portion of my life last night to my beautiful little sister Molly in order to have a "Prom Practice Hair" Run. How does she thank me? By dumping a gallon of salt into my glass of water. Being the camel that I am, I took about 4 whopping gulps of this sea water before realizing I had been duped. I tried to fake cry so she would feel really bad, but was too busy choking. Mom (in her mommy voice) goes, "what do you say, Molly" and I turned toward my sister expecting a heart-felt apology. But all that little brat does is smirk and say, "April Fools Day!" Ever since that terrifying salt-water incident, I have been sucking down water like crazy! It has really effected my internal plumbing.

To get Molly back, I have decided to make her hair look terrible for her glamourous prom night. Here are some styles I'm considering:

A word to the wise. Don't mess with me. I will take you down.

(sinister, huh)