Embarassing Yet True

It's Happened.

After carefully avoiding anything related to the previous 9 seasons, I have now taken in an episode of the meat-market series known to shallow women everywhere as The Bachelor.

I want it on the record that I did not have the remote in my hand when the channel flipping landed on ABC. Yes, your guess is correct.

It was Caleb's show pick of the night.

We watched most of the whole hour (we flipped between this and the NCAA Basketball Tournament) and got the gist of what happens for the very first Rose Ceremony. There are like 40 gorgeous women, all already in love with this handsome officer and a gentleman and Andy Baldwin (U.S. Navy Lieutenant Andy Baldwin, M.D., 30, an undersea medical officer for a special operations dive unit stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii) gets to hook up with all of them before finally settling on one, His Future Wife, The Woman of His Wildest Dreams.

Here's a Group Shot of all the Desperate Ladies before the Rose Ceremony. Regretfully, a handful were sent home before Andy truly got to know them.

This is Crazy Eyes, coined by Caleb and I. You can't get the full effect from this pic, but trust us. She has the Crazy Eyes. Of course, C.E. was sent home after a mere three hours of getting to know all the other Brothel Girls.

Here are some notes I took before gouging my eyes out in disgust:

1. Andy has no personality. Sure, he has a lot going for him... he's cute, a doctor, wears a military uniform, is part of a special operations dive unit stationed in Pearl Harbor, a world-class triathlete and according to Producer's of The Bachelor, his "achievements are matched by his good-natured personality, stunning good looks and self-deprecating sense of humor." Yet all he can think to say throughout the entire episode is, "the is better than my wildest dream" and "I can't believe my future wife is standing in that room." Puh-lease!

2. Upon meeting Andy, one of the Brothel Girls told my famous sausage joke, but she used muffins instead of sausage and she totally blew it. It was a vain attempt at a good first impression and in telling the best joke in the history of humor.

3. During the post-show/rolling credits/next episode tease, all the clips of what's to come have beautiful sunsets, panorama views from sailboats and waterfalls with a voice-over of several of the Brothel Girls saying, "I'm really falling in love with him." It is super cheesy, gooby, pitiful and sad.

4. Each of the Brothel Girls have a cg when they come on screen showing their name and profession, just like we did at the news station for interviews. One BG (Brothel Girl) has her name, then her profession is Former Miss Illinois. That is her profession.

That is all. Stayed tuned for next week's bitter comments as Caleb told me it is going to be his permanent pick for the rest of the season.