When going through a domestic adoption, the paperwork just to get approved is a beast.
You have to answer a ton of philosophical questions about yourself, do every type of background check known to man, beg your friends to write recs for you, make it appear that you keep a tidy house for the Home Study..... I could seriously keep going, but all of these items end up in a file folder somewhere so they aren't worth me writing too much about.
The one piece of the puzzle that really, really matters is the Profile Book. This is a book that summarizes your family's life and all your fundamental beliefs. Things like how you and your spouse met. And what is Christmas is like at your house. And what kind of neighborhood you live in. And why you want to adopt. And details about your parents and siblings. And your thoughts on race and religion and education. And what you do for a living.
Birth families look through all the Profile Books.
They pick their child's family based on these books.
I want to stop here a moment and point out that the Lord is sovereign, and He alone knits families together.
With that being said, y'all, I have seen a lot of profile books. Enough to realize that most people do not know what they are doing when putting together these books.
Our book has been picked every single time a birth family has looked at it. Two of the times we were chosen, the birth mothers decided in the end to parent their baby. The other time our book was chosen resulted in AB becoming our daughter.
So while remembering that God is ultimately in control over your family, not a book you make, here are some suggestions to keep in mind when putting your profile together.
1. This book will most definitely be judged by its cover.
Picture a young, nervous couple sitting in front of a pile of books about strangers who would like to raise their child. What draws them to one book over another? The cover is the first thing they see, so it needs to stand out. In my opinion, I think you should use a recent professional family portrait on the cover.
(This is our cover pic)
Do not do a collage of pics on the cover- it's overwhelming.
Do not use a wedding portrait- consider the feelings of those who will be looking at your book.
Do not use an old picture- it's important to be truthful in every aspect of your book.
2. Use good quality pictures.
Consider pinterest. How often do you read the description underneath the picture? I never do. Our society values picture and video over language content. Eye-catching pictures will help your book stand out.
3. Write to your audience.
The average birth mother who will be reading through your book is going to be between the ages 16-22.
Write to them. Write from your heart to the woman who is carrying (potentially) your child. Think about what it might be like to be her and then express that in your words to her. Also consider the generation you are writing to. The Twitter Generation. The 5 second attention span generation. Seriously, be concise. As a former English teacher, trust me, no one in the world apparently likes to read. Let your pictures do the talking and let your text be compassionate, authentic, and full of lovingkindness.
4. Be honest.
You might be tempted to make yourself sound more awesome than you are, but this is not a competition for Homecoming Queen. A person is trying to choose who will take care of the human life growing in her. Respect her enough to be honest.
5. Follow the adoption agency's guidelines.
A good agency will give you tips and guidelines for what to include in your profile book and what not to include (like your last name or where you live). Our agency provided us with a sample book and that really helped me because at the time I had no clue what I was doing! Follow their lead- they know best.
I really hope this might help someone who is overwhelmed at this part of the process. As important as it is, the biggest suggestion I can make is to remind you over and over again that the Lord is in control over your adoption, whether or not your book is amazing :)
(I have used both of the above companies to make photo books. Both are really user friendly and affordable)
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