In early 2015, I learned
of four babies about to be born in Florida who all needed homes. I
put a simple message out on facebook and was overwhelmed with the
response. I received over 200 personal messages inquiring on behalf
of those four babies.
Due to the high volume, I
replied with a stock message with the attorney's contact information,
due dates of the babies, the fact that the babies were all bi-racial,
and also that the adoption fee was $25,000.
One woman struggling with
infertility for many years who said herself that she was desperate to
adopt wrote me back with this response:
“I have to draw the line
at bi-racial.” Meaning she wouldn't be pursuing this lead any
further because of the babies' races.
You know what I thought to
myself when I read that? What I, mama to two black children, thought
about her?
I thought, “At least
she's honest.”
Because within those 200
contacts I received about those babies, you wouldn't believe how so
many wrote me back saying they couldn't look into it further because
of the MONEY.
“We don't have $25,000,”
they said.
“Why is it so much
money?” they asked.
I can tell you why
adoptions cost what they do, but I will do that at another time
because for now, the COST is not the point. Right now, the EXCUSE is
the point I'm hoping to drive home.
Lately, everyone has been
more up in arms about abortion and pro-life. If I see something on
social media about being pro-life, I always comment that as
Christians we should be the first in line to adopt and foster.
Inevitably, someone will
comment that adoptions would be more frequent if the cost wasn't
so high.
And then I go running,
screaming into the ocean.
Do you hear what is
actually being said?
We are telling vulnerable
children they are not worthy.
And that is a shame.
A graph of the United
States has been circulating facebook, showing the numbers of children
by state living in state-run homes, meaning they are up for adoption
because their biological parental rights have been terminated. They
are orphans. Without a doubt, the person sharing it typically
says something like, “It's so sad, all the beautiful children
needing good homes! If only adoption didn't cost so much!”
If you are using the
excuse that adoptions are too expensive, then please choose another
one.
Here's a list you can
pull from:
I don't want to give so
much money to a birth mother just for her to change or mind.
Foster kids make me
nervous.
I can't handle what people
in Wal-Mart will think when they see me with a black kid.
I don't want to sacrifice
my lifestyle to be able to afford an adoption.
I want a baby, not the
baggage that comes with adopting a toddler or older child.
Adopting a child out of
foster care is virtually free. I am not aware of any financial burden
whatsoever involved in adopting through the state. There is a time
investment (paperwork and court dates), but not a monetary one.
This fact stings us in our
hearts, because when our “not enough money” excuse is stripped
away, we're left with the truth showing:
Adopting an older child
out of foster care is scary.
The excuse that
adoptions are too much money is giving yourself a way out.
It's
allowing you to forgo digging deep within yourself to get to the
heart of the matters which scare you most.
And
don't get me wrong- your fears are legitimate.
Children
in foster care will have issues because they have had a tough go of
it.
Birth
mothers will make bad decisions because their situations are chaotic.
People
in Wal-Mart might stare because strangers can be wackadoos.
But let me remind you that
as Christ Followers, we do not live in fear.
Say
that to yourself everytime you want to blame your checkbook.
So where can the money
come from?
Deliver pizzas on the
weekends.
Get a second job.
Bake cakes during the
Holidays for extra money.
Babysit for extra money.
Do whatever it freaking
takes to bring your child home. To get your child out of a state home
and into your home.
Do whatever it takes.
You are not too good to
deliver pizzas. You are not over-qualified to babysit.
Most of you are reading
this and thinking that my husband is a doctor. How obnoxious for me
of all people to rail about other people spending money.
You are right- Caleb is a
doctor.
He is in his 5th
year of surgery training in which he makes a teacher's salary (and
works 80 hours a week.... much like many teachers I know!). For the
next two years, he will be doing additional training in which he
still won't be making a “doctor's salary.” Also, we still have
medical school debt.
But we 100% were able to
self-fund two adoptions. Abby Bette's was $15,000 and Joshua's was
$25,000. We pulled this off because.....
Jehovah Jireh
The Lord Provides
For us, He provided me a
full-time job in a public school for four years.
He provided me also with a
small photography business which brought in a lot of extra income.
He provided Caleb with the
opportunity to moonlight in the emergency room on his off-shifts.
He provided us with
friends and family who have given us SO MUCH baby stuff: clothes,
toys, diapers, cribs, bedding, bath towels, shoes, walkers, swings,
car seats... you name it- it's been given.
The point is, if you truly
feel God is placing the idea of adoption in your thoughts and heart,
then He will make a way- and that includes a financial way.
Very few people have
$25,000 tucked away in a savings account. It's a good excuse for not
adopting. Which is exactly why you should stop using it.
Worth. Every. Penny.
3 comments:
Oh Tricia! I live for your posts. You educate me and motivate me and encourage me and bless me in so many ways, especially with this one. I'll admit, I was devastatingly discouraged when I found out the average cost of adoption. However, I am not giving up...it's not an option for me. Thank you so much for the extra push. At the end of the day, its about the children in need of homes, and that need is worth working extra jobs to get the funds to adopt. My pastor always says, "If its God's will, its God's bill."
Trisha, What a great blog and so true.- Your family is beautiful! Just yesterday I was talking to a friend about someone's daughter getting married and how it would cost $25,000-$30,000 for a wedding. No one seems to think anything of the industry that makes every girl feel like she has to spend that kind of money to say "I do" but uses the "I can't afford it" card when it comes to adoption and many other important causes. I'm sure you have seen many a fancy wedding where you were the "must have" photographer. (people spending money on dresses, venues, catering, photographers, videographers, etc. and think nothing of it) I've known people that have refinanced their homes to give their daughter the wedding of her dreams. What's wrong with this picture? Sad to say our society makes everyone feel like they have to "Keep up with the Jones" on so many things but then complains that they can't afford the important things. I learned a long time ago that to be truthful I must say "I choose not to" spend my money on certain things rather than "I can't afford it." We all spend our money on the things we want to spend our money on. Period! Belief is behavioral - Our daytimers and checkbooks tell the real story. I love your transparency even though you step on some toes every once in a while. Keep on keeping it real!
Amen! God will provide when you are doing his will and he calls us to take care of the widows and orphans! There are so many ways to bless foster kids too, even if you don't want the "risk" of adoption. Or if your too young or too old to adopt. Be a respite care provider for a foster parent who would love a break. Provide donations of new clothing and toys and items for foster kids. So so sooo many ways you can still get involved if you don't feel called to adopt specifically.
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