Party of Five

Thanks for reading this blog post about our fun new addition, Miss Elizabeth Marion! At 9 pounds, 6 ounces, Ella was born November 18 via c-section after I labored for 24 hours. Don't worry- I had an epidural the entire time with a clicker button that I could hit every 20 minutes. 

Going through the c-section freaked me out. I thought it was the scariest thing ever. But at 41 weeks and 2 days, I was ready to meet her. There was no more room in that Inn.

Behind these smiling faces and blue curtain, my guts are being sewn back together. 

Even though we were perfectly happy having children that looked nothing like us, I did sometimes wonder what our biological child would look like.... my eyes? my nose? 

Well, I'm still wondering because this baby girl looks absolutely nothing like me. Hello, Mini-Caleb. 

We came home from the hospital today, and we were soooo curious to see how Abby Bette responded to her new sister. Turns out, the "It's a Girl!" balloons were waaaaaaay more exciting. So far, she calls Ella "Sister Baby" or sometimes she gets confused and calls her Joshua.

  

Speaking of Joshua, I was gone 3.5 days, and his hair grew straight up for about 2 more inches. What on earth am I going to do with that boy's hair?

I missed him so much. 

Would he look kind of cool with an ear ring?

Just kidding, bah ha.

Here's Ella in our family's "coming home" gown. I wore it home from the hospital, and the booties were worn by my Dad as a newborn. It's beautiful.

Sister bonding. 

Abby Bette did the same thing she did with Joshua- tried to touch Ella's eyeballs.

 First Family Photo. 

This was the best one. You might see this again on our Christmas Card.

 Thank you again for celebrating with us, and thank you for all the prayers for our family throughout the past few years. We have been so overwhelmed with all the support from our two adoptions and then through this surprise pregnancy. 

I'd like to share something that is probably too personal to just openly put out there, but I also feel like someone might be encouraged by it...

Abby Bette's adoption was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Before she came into our family, I was so so sad, all the time. Grieving over infertility had made me such a sad, jealous, and bitter person, and I was horrified when those feelings didn't go away after her adoption. I was still very angry with God and still could not give up control over the area of my family. My life did not look like what I always thought it would, and I wasn't able to be content with what I did have.

Last year for Christmas, Caleb gave me a prayer journal with a layout that really worked for me personally. In the beginning of this year, I really wanted healing from my bitterness, and I wanted to be content again. I wrote a prayer in my journal in February of this year:

Heal my bitter heart.

Help me to be content in all things.

Let me get pregnant, Lord, or allow an adoption to go through this year.

You'll notice the or 

In the picture below, I'm holding that written prayer by Joshua's adopted feet, on top of my baby bump. 

I will never, ever understand God's timing, just like I will never understand why I had to go through 5 years of a broken heart. 

There's nothing to write next. The thought-flow ends there. I don't have some type of life lesson I learned or pearl of wisdom for those with a similar broken heart. 

But I will leave you with something my counselor told me when I was just out of control with the Baby Grief. He pointed me toward Lamentations 3:1-23.

He showed me how in verses 1-21 Jeremiah is just wailing before the Lord about his sorrows and grief- he is truly lamenting. These verses go on and on and they are so desperate. 

My counselor told me that I was living in verses 1-21 and that it is ok to lament before God. He went on to say that through the process of grieving, one day I'll get to the part where I'm able to live in verses 22-23:

²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Many of you reading this may be living through 1-21 right now. I'm so sorry. 

My prayer is that you can taste the goodness of verses 22-23 one day. And not because everything has suddenly worked out for me..... 2 adoptions and now a pregnancy/birth. 

But because God is above all Good. 

And no matter what your bitterness looks like, His faithfulness is greater.